5 Simple Ways to Cultivate Confidence in Your Daily Life
Where does confidence come from? It’s not a personality trait, it’s not a result of perfection, it’s not earned with maturity or age. Confidence is a practice. It is an act of intentionality. Confidence starts with knowing your identity, this is key. When you know who you’re created to be, what’s unique about you and why God chose to design you the way you are it’s easy to be confident.
This article isn’t about identity, that’s a lesson for another day. But, if you’re not sure who you are or what your identity is; I’ve written the book to help you discover it. Today we’re talking about the 5 ways to consistently show up confidently in your life.
Kick Out Comparison
Teddy Roosevelt once said:
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
Comparison is certainly a thief and it robs both parties. First; her. By comparing yourself to her you reduce her to just fill in the blank. If you’re comparing your hair to hers you’re reducing her down to just her hair. If you’re comparing her career success to hers you reduce her to just her career.
By comparing you sum her up in 1 or 2 qualities, judging her as “better” than you and move on. This is assuming you are judging her positively and not comparing yourself as better.
Second, you. In comparison you judge yourself as “less than” and critique the perfect creation of God. Comparison doesn’t just reduce you as much as it does her; it tears you apart. It highlights any “shortcomings” and punishes you for being the way you are, whether you can help it or not.
Comparison is close friends with hopelessness. In the same breath it will say “She’s more successful than you” and “you’ll never be that successful.” It leaves no room for growth or improvement, just lack.
This comparison game is only amplified by social media. Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, you name the platform and the story will be the same. Creators and influencers only show you what they want you to see; real or not. This was clearer than ever just before the TikTok ban when it became trendy to confess how you’d been lying to your audience.
Creators confessed to using air bnb’s to film content instead of their real homes, renting clothes & accessories to look more wealthy, faking their lifestyles and essentially setting a standard for their audience to reach for that they hadn’t even achieved.
These are typically the people being compared to. Not only is comparison a thief robbing you and them, in this case when you compare you are comparing yourself to a lie. When you live in comparison it’s nearly impossible to show up confidently. How could you when you don’t measure up to those around you in your own mind?
To show up confidently you have to kick out comparison. Stop measuring yourself against anything but what God says about you. He formed and fashioned you, I’d say He has the best view on who you are.
Speak Life
Your words have power Proverbs says that the literal power of life and death are in your tongue. So, are you speaking death or life over yourself? Self-talk determines your self-image, which in turn determines how you show up in life. What are you saying about yourself? Is your inner voice a cheerleader or a critic?
You get to choose and it starts with catch and replace. When you say something or think something negative about yourself; catch it. Stop before you say it, mid-sentence, or directly afterward. Then immediately replace it with truth.
- “I’m not smart enough.” becomes “I have access to all the wisdom of the universe.” (James 1:5)
- “I’m not good enough.” becomes “I am perfect.” (Hebrews 10:14)
- “I’m not pretty.” becomes “I am beautiful.” (Psalm 139:14)
On the note of beauty, I’d like to add that standards for beauty have changed through history. In ancient Greece the standard was “natural beauty” preferring large eyes, light hair and skin and the ever popular unibrow. In the 19th century curves and a tiny waist were considered beautiful. During the Renaissance large foreheads were all the rage. The ‘20’s were all about the bob hairstyles and bold makeup. The ‘50’s were in love with the hourglass figure, to be quickly followed by a desire to be skinny and thin framed in the ‘60’s.
Beauty standards have always ebbed and flowed with societal changes. Defining your beauty by these standards is a waste. You were formed and fashioned by God, beautifully and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14), remember to let the way you think and speak about yourself reflect that.
Celebrate Small Wins
Confidence is not about your physical appearance though we tend to tie the two together. Confidence is a practice, one that thrives on trust. Trusting yourself and your opinions is key to consistent confidence. To build this trust, celebrate your small wins. Celebrate the big ones too but your confidence will grow consistently with consistent celebration so don’t neglect the little things.
Showing up confidently is much easier when you clearly see how awesome you are and don’t doubt yourself. My favorite way to celebrate my wins is to chronicle them in my journal; this doubles as an archive of wins I can review later (during my annual journal review) when I need a reminder.
Become Undistractable
Learn to identify and overcome distractions, free your time, and enhance your focus.
Do What Scares You
Taking bold leaps, being courageous, and stepping out of your comfort zone is a great way to build your confidence. Back in 2020 when the world shut down and we all went online I was invited to be a guest on a live podcast show on Facebook. I was terrified at the thought but still accepted.
Those nerves never dissipated but I kept my commitment and did the live absolutely terrified. It went great! I felt amazing afterwards, very proud of myself and impressed by how I’d handled the fear. I felt so great about it I even accepted the invitation to come back. Little did I know that years later I would be doing more online events including digital courses and guest appearances in private mentorship groups.
Because I’d said yes then and followed through even when I was scared I’d built up my confidence that I could do it, and trust myself to get it done. Moral of the story; do what scares you. This could be something as simple as posting on social media, as bold as writing a book, as daring as jumping out of a plane. We all face fear at some point in our lives. It’s your choice how you face it.
Surround Yourself With Confidence Builders
“Don’t make friends with an angry person,
and don’t be a companion of a hot-tempered one,
or you will learn his ways
and entangle yourself in a snare.”
– Proverbs 22:24-24 (CSB)
The people around you determine a lot about you and the way you live your life. These people will often determine the conversations you have, the activities you engage in, your perspective and outlook on life… Your inner circle is incredibly important and should be chosen intentionally.
When it comes to confidence that means choosing to surround yourself with confidence builders. These are people who are themselves confident and who will encourage you and build up your confidence as well. Finding confidence builders requires asking questions.
- How does this person carry themselves?
- Do they live with confidence or arrogance?
- How do I feel when I’m with them?
- Do they make me better?
- Do I feel like I can fully be myself with them?
- Do they make me feel small?
- How do they encourage me to act?
The answers to these questions will give you a clearer picture of the person you are spending your time with. However, this doens’ t just apply to your inner circle, you should also be a confidence builder of others. You should ask yourself these questions as well.
Confidence is Cultivated, Not Captured
Confidence isn’t a personality trait, it’s a practice. It requires intentionality, a clear understanding and activation of your identity and these 5 keys:
- Kicking out comparison. Quitting the comparison game to be proud of yourself, and not tear or build others up at your expense.
- Speaking life. Releasing the life giving words of truth over yourself verbally and internally.
- Celebrating small wins. Building trust with yourself and recognizing your success and efforts no matter how small.
- Doing what scares you. Facing your fears and proving to yourself that you can be courageous and confident even when you’re unsure.
- Surrounding yourself with confidence builders. Intentionally choosing your circle of friends and influences to be those that would make you better and that you could make better as well.
You get to choose how you live your life, why not choose to live confidently? Looking for more lifestyle and mentality shifts? Check out my article on 5 Habits to Cultivate a Positive Mindset.
